I've been studying investing in a broad sense. My most recent boss said to me once, after I wrote him a proposal asking for more opportunity, "Why would I want to invest in you if....?". The rest doesn't matter. He got me thinking. Would I invest in me? When we work for someone, that person is investing in us. We are there to make that person a profit with our set of skills. When we hire someone, we are investing in that person. Even if we are paying for services, we do so that we can enable ourselves to earn more money than what we are spending. We invest in keeping a vehicle running, or in childcare, so that we can continue to earn more than we are spending. But we have to be smart about it. We don't want to spend more than what we'll gain in returns.
Money was never a motivation for me. I grew up poor, but it didn't bother me because it was all I knew. I didn't know what it was like to live in a house, or have a car, or have a full stomach. When I was accepted to prestigious universities, it was because I was abused at home, and when I got A's, my teachers were happy and nice to me, and that felt good. And I knew that college was my ticket out of the abuse. But that's all I used it for. Then I found a boyfriend, and when he had an American Indian income and loved me, getting a degree or starting a career didn't matter, because he loved me, and he had an income.
Ten years later, alcohol and drugs had gotten the best of him, so I left. We had a two year-old child together at that time.
With his income from his tribe's casino, he was still able to shoulder the expense of our little one. And without a degree, I kept taking low-paying jobs, and everywhere I went, people told me I was "better" than the jobs I was taking, that I was too intelligent and worth so much more, and that I ought to do more with my life. But I was getting by just fine, in my mind. I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, and enough food to eat (plus, when I worked in the food industry, I could eat discounted or free meals). And I enjoyed my little jobs. I was reasonably happy.
Unfortunately, my son's dad has now recently passed away. By the grace of God, because I never divorced him officially, I have a small inheritance coming to me. Bless him, O Lord, for not taking me off his policy even after I broke his ill heart, and may he rest in peace knowing that I'm going to use it to take care of our now-six-year-old son.
So here I am, with no degree, a minimum-wage work ethic, and wondering, how will I make this money last and not have my son grow up in the same poverty that I did and have been so accustomed to? Better yet, how can I use it to make more money? I was never motivated to earn money until now. I suppose it's finally been thrust upon my instincts.
People always told me I was intelligent. But just because I learn well doesn't mean I'm smart, and just because I understand what you are teaching me doesn't mean I'll put it to use for myself. To be honest, I'm brilliant but lazy, like Peter Parker, only, I don't have the but-I'm-a-super-hero-on-the-side excuse.
So now I wonder...how will I invest in myself? Will I produce a return? Or will I lose everything? The latter is not an option. My son's life depends upon me. I really do have to become a superhero now.
So now I wonder...how will I invest in myself? Will I produce a return? Or will I lose everything? The latter is not an option. My son's life depends upon me. I really do have to become a superhero now.
I googled "How people make money investing" and started reading about John Chow (of John Chow dot com). Meidee Lim writes, in her forward to his book entitled "The Ultimate Online Profit Model,"
"[T]he only difference between a dream and a goal is a goal is a dream with action."
And so this is where I stop writing and take action.
